You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
