corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
