So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
