I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
