i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
