What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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