If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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