Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
