i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
