very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
