Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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