john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
