I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
