he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
