There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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