If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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