Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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