Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
