he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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