im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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