Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
