i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
