So gin and wine won't be happening again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
