he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
