To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
