her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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