i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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