in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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