Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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