The maid of honor just puked.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
