Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
