Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Randomize
