I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
