So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am one with the molecules
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
