FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
