Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
