Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She bit a glass in half.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
