I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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