when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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