I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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