I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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