Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
