i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
