So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
