I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
