Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
