youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need moral support for this bender
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
