im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
