she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
