I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
