my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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