Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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