I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
