Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
