apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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