I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
