Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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