Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
