I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
