You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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