I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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