Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
