sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
