He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I could make wine with my vomit
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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