too bad you live with your parents still
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
