Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
