There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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